Reflection: How a Simple Act of Self-Respect Can Reshape Our Lives

Image by Ash Amplifies

Recently, some dear friends returned from a trip to Hawaii sporting their new souvenirs: t-shirts with the words “Slow yourself down” written across the chest. Their two boys, ages 3 and 4, sprinted around our yard as I considered the phrase.

The concept of slowing oneself down is an act of self-respect; it is a reminder that we are human beings with actual needs, not machines that need to optimize every moment.

Choosing to slow yourself down resists the idea that you are only worth what you can produce and, arguably one of its greatest benefits, it creates space for reflection. Yes, reflection might just change your life. Hear me out:

Reflection is an enormously hopeful activity, bringing with it an opportunity to do something different. It affords us a chance to identify what went well throughout the course of a day and what didn’t, in parenting, work, relationships, projects.

One of the reasons it is such a gift is that we can use that information to course correct. 

Reflection provides feedback and information that can be utilized almost immediately. Yet, without the space and time to reflect—the slowing down of our lives—this information will go unnoticed and unutilized. 

Consider these examples: walking back to your desk after a meeting, you may reflect and realize you over-shared and decide you will do more listening next time to allow room for other ideas.

Or perhaps you changed up your bedtime routine and, after taking some time to listen to your body, you realized the new routine did help you feel more rested.

Maybe, sitting in silence at the end of a tough day, you recognize that you snapped at your daughter due to your own stress and you wanted to apologize.

These reflections and changes, over time, can substantially alter the trajectory of your career, health, and relationships. 

Our world today is so fast-moving, with screens of all sizes tempting us to fill our time with information and entertainment. The demands of life can feel overwhelming, like a hamster wheel that just keeps spinning and spinning with busyness. And, consequently, silence, slowness and reflection are usually crowded out, dismissed as unnecessary or not vital to our wellbeing and relationships. It is very possible to spend months and years, maybe even our whole lives, without learning to incorporate reflection as a daily practice. 

Many people reach the later stages of life, with its slower pace and ample time for reflection, and wish they could go back and change some things. They may perceive their parenting style as having been too harsh, or recognize they were too worried about what people thought, or spent too much time at work; but sadly, the opportunity to use that information and do something different is gone. At that point it is merely regret. 

As Thomas Merton once warned, you don’t want to climb a ladder only to realize it was leaning against the wrong house.

It’s always better to find out sooner than later that you’re going the wrong way, while there’s still time to change. If we can learn to carve out time for reflection in the here and now, we just might change the course of our lives.

by Heidi Brewer, LMFT

Heidi is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with experience working with families, individuals and children, in private practice and public agencies. She is passionate about self-care, fostering emotional awareness, and conflict resolution. Heidi enjoys spending time outside (barefoot, of course), 90’s movies, and finding ways to make everyday things fun.