I. Practice Presence Daily
Presence is your greatest power. It’s the starting point and foundation for living intentionally and proactively vs. impulsively & reactively. Presence is how we get out of our heads, out of survival patterns that keep us stuck in self critical, shame, blame, guilt and self pitying victim thought patterns based on the past. Or fantastical, escapist, avoidant, anxious, unrealistic thought patterns based on the future. Practicing presence is how we learn to be with ourselves, receive ourselves, accept ourselves, value ourselves, take care of ourselves and become safe for ourselves. And when we are safe for ourselves, we are safe for others. Here are some simple ways to begin practicing presence everyday:
Breath work: Start a yoga or pilates practice. When I started 3 years ago, I told myself that even if I just spent the entire class just breathing, it would do wonders for my health. And it did, and it still does. One of the best yoga/pilates teachers I’ve ever had used to say repeatedly, “You can’t use your head to get out of your head. You have to use your body. Start with your breath.”
Read a book: even if it’s a few pages everyday, reading is a simple, enjoyable way to begin practicing presence. Check out this list of recommended reads all of which have changed my life for the better in some way.
Write a daily journal: Keep it simple. No more than 15 minutes a day to start. Into Me I See: an easy journal exercise for practicing presence might help you get started.
II. Identifying & Building Pillars
Pillars are supports. Supports hold things up, keep things stable, intact and safe. When storms come or the ground starts shaking, isn’t it great to be able to quickly identify what supports we can rely on to get us through to safety?
Because the holidays can be an especially triggering time for those on a trauma healing journey, a great strategy I’ve found is to take stock of the pillars I have and identify others I might need to build.
Ask yourself, who or what kind of support do I have?
Who or what kind of support might I still need?
III. Learn & Practice Healthy Boundaries
Are you aware that your Autonomic Nervous System (ANS) reacts to emotional or psychological danger in the EXACT same way it reacts to physical danger?
Safety is key for healing, health and wellbeing. Emotional safety is just as important as physical safety. Boundaries are your best friend when it comes learning to employ measures of healthy control to create all kinds of safety for yourself.
I have not found a better, easier, more thorough way to learn and practice boundaries than Nedra Glover Tawwab’s book, Set Boundaries, Find Peace and The Boundaries Flip Chart: A Psychoeducational Tool to Help Clients Set Healthy Limits, Develop Fulfilling Relationships, and Reclaim Their Worth.
IV. Create the Holiday Season You Needed, But Didn't Get
The first time I chose a plan for the holidays that was more in line with how I wanted and needed to spend the holidays than what I’d grown up with, or what I chosen for so many years up until that point, it was terrifying.
But it was the best gift I ever gave myself or my family and I’ll never go back. The continued healing, profound enjoyment, and true connection with myself and my family I’ve experienced from this shift has been too great.
Using these strategies myself, it’s now been many years of difficult choices to stay in the little by little practice of trial & error, forgiveness & compassion, repetition & growth. And I wouldn't change it for anything.
It's the little by little practice that has kept me resilient, strong and flexible, on this road to becoming safe and creating safe spaces for others during the holidays. I hope you find them as valuable and helpful as they continue to be for me.
And may you be filled on this day and the days to come with a sense of safety and empowerment to create ever increasing measures of peace.
And may you discover, one day, in delighted awe, that you are becoming...
...and already are...
...the peace you seek.
Happy Thanksgiving and be safe, my friend.
I'm grateful for you,
Your Cor Coach
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